This is a photo of me taking the “easy” route down the mountain when we were skiing a couple of weeks ago. I was buried in three feet of snow because I insisted this was the best way to go. I’m scared of heights and rather than going down the groomed trails that looked really steep, I decided to take the the trails that didn’t look as steep… but they weren’t groomed. My husband said it was a bad idea but I’m stubborn and I did it anyway. At the point this picture was taken, I was so exhausted and out of breath I didn’t know how I was going to make it the rest of the way down. Sometimes, I just really like to learn the hard way! I’ve lived much of my life this way and for some reason it’s something I wanted to hide from people. So, I’m stubborn, so what! Why hide it? It is what it is, I am the way I am, and that’s not going to change anytime soon.
My Recent Inner Battle
Lately, I have really been struggling with writing articles for my website. I have had this crazy idea that I have to be “perfect” in order to put myself out there and help people move forward. I had to be a certain type of person so I could be everything to everybody. While I know that perfection is only a quality of the divine, it’s a soul challenge that I have always struggled with. For the last two years, I have struggled with the path that I have chosen for my life. In fact, it was such an issue I thought about throwing in the towel altogether. My thinking was that since I chose to embark on this spiritual journey, I needed to present myself as a graceful, patient, tolerant, calm, loving, serious person. However, with the exception of loving, I’m just not any of those things.
So Who Am I?
First of all, I’m really clumsy. One thing that I was definitely not blessed with is grace. And it seems I have passed that on to my sweet little girl! But I’m OK with it because most of the time it’s freaking hilarious (as long as we manage to keep ourselves out of the emergency room). I’m certainly not patient. Patience is definitely one of my life lessons and while I’m working on it, I still have a LONG way to go. I’m feisty, I swear like a sailor, I don’t like authority, and I consider myself unemployable because I don’t put up with other peoples shit. My tolerance really depends on who a person is. I can tolerate bad behavior but I WON’T tolerate mean-spirited behavior. There is a HUGE difference! I’m sarcastic, I’m not a sugar-coater, and I use humor to cope with life. I mean, I can be serious when I need to be, but I prefer to use humor to cope with life’s challenges. On the flip side, I have a heart of gold. I would give a person my last dollar if I knew they needed it more than me. I don’t judge people based on where they are or where they’ve been. Chances are I have been there myself and I understand. At the core of my being is an insatiable desire to help as many people as I can. I want to lift them up and help them move forward in life. I love to help people, I love animals, I love nature, I love life!
I’m Not Here To Help Everybody
One thing I really needed to realize is that I’m not here to help everybody. I’m here to help the people that are attracted to my energy and this realization has taken a load off my mind. I can be myself and if people don’t like it, they’ll find a person that is more suited to their energy. I’m totally OK with that. I don’t need to change who I am to do what I came here to do. That would actually hinder my spiritual growth and I’m not willing to do that! Will I change in a year? Will my views on certain issues change? Will my attitude towards certain situations change? Sure, anything is possible. Change is a part of life. But for today, this is who I am, and this is how I do things. We’re all works in progress and THAT is something that will never change. So, go ahead and have the courage to be who you are. You won’t ever truly be happy if you’re trying to be everything to everybody.
Do you ever struggle with “being who you are”?